by [m'kay] » Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:05 am
I played this game. I played this game twice, finishing it both times. Therefore, I believe that I am well within my rights to say that this game is [m'kay] horrible. At least Fable 2 had some improvements over the last one, but in this game the combat is even simpler than in the last due to how overpowered magic is. And no, you can't say that I should use something else, because my entire second playthrough was guns only; it was still [m'kay] simple to beat, you just had to roll a lot more. Basically, everything that this game added in comparison to Fable 2 was broken, pointless, or just plain stupid. The Sanctuary? What the hell was wrong with the menus in the first game? It was actually more efficient to use the menus, and at least I didn't have to have John Cleese [female dog] at me to buy the new DLC every time I entered the [m'kay] place. The whole "Repair" mechanic? Completely pointless, horribly executed, and all around [m'kay] painful. The amount to repair a house is negligible to the amount of cash you get from it, you have to repair each house one by goddamned one in order to get the full rent bonus, and I don't even know how much time I spent doing it.
The co-op is also stupid. In order to give a [m'kay] a gift, you have to enter your sanctuary, walk into the Online room, select a gift, and then give it to the [m'kay]. It is convoluted, it is pointless, and why the [m'kay] can I not simply hand the [m'kay] an apple or whatever? Good god. Of course, since they decided to revamp the expression system, they kinda had to do that due to the lack of a "Gift" expression. And that leads me to the next reason that this game is [m'kay] [poo]; THE EXPRESSION SYSTEM. Apparently someone at the top believed that having a wheel that took a whole goddamned FIVE SECONDS to navigate necessitated a complete revamp; now, you don't even have to choose what expression you want to do! All you have to do is simply pick the good or evil option! Of course, that also means you're going to be playing grabass with other guys to become friends with them, or dancing in the middle of the [m'kay] castle you own in order to become friends with a servant, but who gives a [m'kay]? Besides, what's more evil than farting in some [m'kay]'s face? Goddamn genius, whoever thought that up.
The story... Well, it's decent enough, I suppose. It's simple, has some decent bits, and the part with the Crawler was at least somewhat unnerving. But it is nowhere near good enough to save this [m'kay] trainwreck of a game. The parts of it that aren't bad are pointless additions to a previously solid addition to the series, and all in all it doesn't progress Fable at all. Not to mention, what the hell kind of game series makes the hero you play as grow weaker over the sequels? The hero of Fable 1 was basically capable of becoming a [m'kay] destructive force of nature that would be easily capable of toppling empires if the engine allowed it. In Fable 2, all of a sudden you can't get quite as strong as before, your skill in every aspect is marginalized by just how much better the other Heroes do at it, and the amount of spells you can use have decreased massively. Now in Fable 3? You can't even [m'kay] cast magic without having a pair of gauntlets, the spell list is still pitiful, and the only new thing you can do is combine spells... Which might I add, would definitely have been possible before had it been programmed into the game. The Fable series hit a brick wall this game, and honestly? I don't think it [m'kay] deserves to be funded anymore due to how [m'kay] [poo] they've made it.
And honestly, I miss the old Peter Molyneux. You know, the guy that would make absolutely extravagant claims and only fail to live up to them due to how [poo] insane they were? That guy was a goddamned visionary; and even if he didn't deliver on what he promised, he still gave us damn good games. Now? [poo], now he promises us a couple of improvements and can't even deliver on those. Fable is dead, Lionhead Studios is decrepit and only in it for the cash, and Peter Molyneux has lost that spark that made him likable even when he was lying through his teeth.
All in all, [m'kay] this [m'kay] game.