Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

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Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

Postby Matt-Chicago » Tue Jul 06, 2010 1:59 pm

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ESCONDIDO, CA—Spurred by an administration he believes to be guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 47, is a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave men have fought and died for solely in his head.

"Our very way of life is under siege," said Mortensen, whose understanding of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination. "It's time for true Americans to stand up and protect the values that make us who we are."

According to Mortensen—an otherwise mild-mannered husband, father, and small-business owner—the most serious threat to his fanciful version of the 222-year-old Constitution is the attempt by far-left "traitors" to strip it of its religious foundation.

"Right there in the preamble, the authors make their priorities clear: 'one nation under God,'" said Mortensen, attributing to the Constitution a line from the Pledge of Allegiance, which itself did not include any reference to a deity until 1954. "Well, there's a reason they put that right at the top."

"Men like Madison and Jefferson were moved by the ideals of Christianity, and wanted the United States to reflect those values as a Christian nation," continued Mortensen, referring to the "Father of the Constitution," James Madison, considered by many historians to be an atheist, and Thomas Jefferson, an Enlightenment-era thinker who rejected the divinity of Christ and was in France at the time the document was written. "The words on the page speak for themselves."

According to sources who have read the nation's charter, the U.S. Constitution and its 27 amendments do not contain the word "God" or "Christ."

Mortensen said his admiration for the loose assemblage of vague half-notions he calls the Constitution has only grown over time. He believes that each detail he has pulled from thin air—from prohibitions on sodomy and flag-burning, to mandatory crackdowns on immigrants, to the right of citizens not to have their hard-earned income confiscated in the form of taxes—has contributed to making it the best framework for governance "since the Ten Commandments."

"And let's not forget that when the Constitution was ratified it brought freedom to every single American," Mortensen said.

Mortensen's passion for safeguarding the elaborate fantasy world in which his conception of the Constitution resides is greatly respected by his likeminded friends and relatives, many of whom have been known to repeat his unfounded assertions verbatim when angered. Still, some friends and family members remain critical.

"Dad's great, but listening to all that talk radio has put some weird ideas into his head," said daughter Samantha, a freshman at Reed College in Portland, OR. "He believes the Constitution allows the government to torture people and ban gay marriage, yet he doesn't even know that it guarantees universal health care."

Mortensen told reporters that he'll fight until the bitter end for what he roughly supposes the Constitution to be. He acknowledged, however, that it might already be too late to win the battle.

"The freedoms our Founding Fathers spilled their blood for are vanishing before our eyes," Mortensen said. "In under a year, a fascist, socialist regime has turned a proud democracy into a totalitarian state that will soon control every facet of American life."

"Don't just take my word for it," Mortensen added. "Try reading a newspaper or watching the news sometime."
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Re: Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

Postby WD-40 » Tue Jul 06, 2010 3:25 pm

You just 'had' to pry open that political can of worms, didn't you Matt? :roll:

Did you get this on Onion.com? It's their style of story.
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Re: Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

Postby Dad » Tue Jul 06, 2010 3:54 pm

With guys like that lurking about, it's no wonder the rest of the world looks down on us as "The Land of the Stupid".

Didn't even read ANY of it, yet he feels he know what it says..... hence, my signature.

I really do weep for the future.
i weep for the future

later
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Re: Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

Postby Matt-Chicago » Tue Jul 06, 2010 3:57 pm

WD-40 wrote:You just 'had' to pry open that political can of worms, didn't you Matt? :roll:

Did you get this on Onion.com? It's their style of story.

:lol:
Ya, it's theonion - notice there's a jab in there too about the guy's daughter saying universal health care is enshrined in the constitution...
http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-m ... es-c,2849/
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Re: Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

Postby WD-40 » Tue Jul 06, 2010 4:04 pm

Here's one..Anyone can play it too!

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Re: Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

Postby bothan007 » Tue Jul 06, 2010 5:01 pm

Well our nation did have alot of christian influences but this poor guy does not have his facts straight. There was an article in the news this past week (before the 4th) all about the ways christianity had an affect on our nation when it was in it's infancy.

And as far as James Madison being an atheist I'm not sure whether that is true or not. I will say that I'm agnostic but I still follow most christian values and do the holidays. I just am not sure I believe every word in the Bible is supposed to be there or that it's all correct information.

Alot of our founding fathers had a sense of a higher power. Please don't make me find quotes or get that article :X
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Re: Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

Postby bothan007 » Tue Jul 06, 2010 5:06 pm

You guys should watch that new movie documentary about pres obama. It's trying to say that all presidents including recent george bush and obama are controlled by big corperations and other special interest groups and such. I believe that's definently true and they these people try to help their friends but I'm also a conspiracy theorist so I believe in illuminatis also haha. But I'm not going to take a stand about it like this guy did haha I have no proof!
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Re: Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

Postby WD-40 » Tue Jul 06, 2010 5:18 pm

bothan007 wrote:Well our nation did have alot of christian influences but this poor guy does not have his facts straight.


Dad wrote:With guys like that lurking about, it's no wonder the rest of the world looks down on us as "The Land of the Stupid".


You see what you started Matt?...Got two with this, ahem, 'Article'. Nice start! :whistling:
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Re: Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

Postby (SWGO)Kren » Tue Jul 06, 2010 5:20 pm

WD-40 Wrote:

With guys like that lurking about, it's no wonder the rest of the world looks down on us as "The Land of the Stupid".


That thought might have crossed peoples minds!

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:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution is

Postby =Ralon= » Thu Jul 08, 2010 12:05 am

I wish they would JUST quote what the guy says and let that speak for itself rather than ranting on about how stupid they think he is. They either hate Christians or that guy in particular.

Nice fish advertisement Kren.
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