swgohome.com

four hours, fox only, final destination

https://docs.google.com/document/d/13ut ... O847c/edit

I really enjoyed that. Especially this line:

Unknown to the old man, this pat on the head sent the miner screaming into the bowels of the earth from the sheer force of it, and that man now resides deep within the earth’s core, wondering why it’s only mildly warm and why a fully stocked bar even exists down there.

You really had me laughing at some points.

'wrote'...but you knew that.

Two weeks before people on the writing community i'm in start commenting on it. In the meantime, i'd love it if some more of you guys could give me some feedback on this. I want to know what i'm doing right, wrong, and whether or not I should just set my computer on fire and throw it out the window onto a passing child's head.

Hmm, the part about the bar kind of confused me, but what I like about your writing is that while it has an interesting theme/motif, it also held my interest throughout the entire read because it had some awesome humor in it.

All in all that was an awesome story, very creative, no need to kill innocent younglings. If you decide not to join the national guard, you might want to consider writing.